portnoy's complaint by philip roth -- excerpt

but the shikses, ah, the shikses are something else again. between the smell of damp sawdust and wet wool in the overheated boat house, and the sight of their fresh cold blonde hair spilling out of their kerchiefs and caps, i am ecstatic. amidst these flushed and giggling girls, i lace up my skates with weak, trembling fingers, and then out into the cold and after them i move, down the wooden gangplank on my toes and off onto the ice behind a fluttering covey of them - a nosegay of shikses, a garland of gentile girls. i am so awed i am in a state of desire beyond a hard-on. my circumcised little dong is simply shriveled up with veneration. maybe it's dread. how do they get so gorgeous, so healthy, so blonde? my contempt for what they believe in is more than neutralized
by my adoration of the way they look, the way they move and laugh and speak - the lives they must lead behind those goyische curtains! maybe a pride of shikses is more like it - or is it a pride of shkotzim? for these are the girls whose older brothers are the engaged, good-natured, confident, clean, swift, and powerful halfbacks for the collage football teams called northwestern and texas christian and ucla. their fathers are men with white hair and deep voices who never use double negatives, and their mothers the ladies with the kindly smiles and the wonderful manners who say things like, "i do believe, mary, that we sold thirty-five cakes at the bake sale." "don't be too late, dear," they sing out sweetly to their little tulips as they go bouncing off in their bouffant taffeta dresses to the junior prom with boys whose names are right out of the grade-school reader, not aaron and arnold and marvin, but johnny and billy and jimmy and tod. not portnoy and pincus, but smith and jones and brown! these people are the americans, doctor - like henry aldrich and homer, like the great gildersleeve and his nephew LeRoy, like corliss and veronica, like "oogie pringle" who gets to sing beneath jane powell's window in a date wth judy - these are the people for whom nat "king" cole sings every christmastime, "chestnits roasting on an open fire, jack frost nipping at your nose..." an open fire, in my house? no, no, theirs are the noses whereof he speaks. not his flat black one or my long bumpy one, but those tiny bridgeless wonders whose nostrils point northward automatically at birth. and stay that way for life! these are the children from the coloring books come to life, the children they mean on the signs we pass in union, new jersey, that say CHILDREN AT PLAY and DRIVE CAREFULLY, WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN - these are the girls and boys who live, "next door," the kids who are always asking for "the jalopy" and getting into "jams" and then out of them again in time for the final commercial - the kids whose neighbors aren't he silversteins and the landaus, but fibber mcgee and molly, and ozzie and harriet, and ethel and albert, and lorenzo jones and his wife belle, and jack armstrong! jack armstrong, the all-american goy! - and jack as in john, not jack as in jake, like my father... look, we ate our meals with the radio blaring right away through to the dessert, the glow of the yellow station band is the last light i see each night before sleep - so don't tell me we're just as good as anybody else, don't tell me we're americans just like they are. no, no, these blond-haired christians are the legitimate residents and owners of this place, and they can pump any song they want into the streets and no one is going to stop them either. o america! america! it may have been gold in the streets to my grandparents, it may have been a chicken in every pot to my father and mother, but to me, a child whose earliest movie memories are of ann rutherford and alice faye, america is a shikse nestling under your arm whispering love love love love love!